Home Sweet Home =/

SO i have been home for over two weeks now; the beginnings of which were really nice and it was amazing to see people again. I realised I missed the girlies insane amounts and the reasons they are three of the most important people in my life were confirmed. (which is always nice!) Stuff outside the house is actually awesome, and I'm having a really good time, I just can't deal with living with my mum. We are both well aware that it isn't my home anymore, that I don't feel comfortable being here, that neither me nor Amy would be there if we had another option. No matter how much she says she misses us when we're away it is pretty clear that it's all in her head, or maybe she's trying to convince herself, that she'd rather we were just sporadic guests rather than permament residents. I am not ready for one of her "talks." I can actually honestly admit to myself that I am doing better than I have been doing in a long time. I still have my issues, and they're still tearing me apart, but generally I'm doing alot better. She'll never believe me, she'll never understand so ultimately there is not point in talking about it.

Things with Alex are ok. It just seems that for the most part I'm putting more effort into this relationship than he is. Which, I know from experience, is never a good position to be in. I think that maybe he's realising that in Carolina it was easy and no one had to make any effort, but now we're home and both have jobs, with conflicting shifts, that he's going to have to make more of an effort to see me. Maybe he isn't prepared to do that. I don't know, but when I move back to Swansea I'm not sure how long it will last. It makes me sad.