On the Road...

I actually wrote this about a month ago, pretty much during the first couple of days after setting off on our "up the east, across the top and down the west" American road trip. It in now way signifies how i feel at this moment in time because to be quite frank i feel pretty shit, but i was having a happy moment at the time...

I was actually quite surprised at my reactions to leaving South Carolina. I felt sad, nostalgic, like I was leaving something behind. The entire time I have been there I guess it never quite felt like home, I never felt a real attachment to the place, or to anyone I associate it with. Apparently, I am rather unaware of the extent of my own existence.

The last day in Columbia was hectic; full of exams, packing and general chaos. There were too many people to say goodbye to, too many people that, until that moment, I don’t think I really appreciated, too much to sort out, too much to clean, too much of, for the fifth time in my life, packing everything I own into a suitcase. When we finally got on the road I felt freer than I have ever felt in my life, everything, all the work for exams, the notion that I have no money, my general stressing over everything seemed, unimportant and I realised that I have the next two months to enjoy myself, to read, to think, to appreciate my life, to appreciate the world. My exam results were fine, I even got a B+ in English =) and got an average GPA of 3.68 for the year which I guess is ok. (And in my quest to become accustomed to just doing OK at things, I am happy with my grades.)

We left South Quad after emotional goodbyes, some people will remain a big part of my life, some people I’ll see again from time to time, most likely in Leeds, some people I’ll see on route, some people probably never again. They’ll just be people who played a cameo in my life for a while, as I did in theirs, and I am once again comforted by the fact that, despite distance and time, and often limited contact, the people that mean the most to me are still a big part of my life. Leaving in the van for Washington DC I had planned on reading and reading, and reading some more. Instead I spent the first five hours in the van singing along to a variety of pop punk and for the first time in a very long time, relaxing, thinking about how I am so glad I’m alive and how I don’t think I have ever looked forward to anything as much as I am the next few months.

My none-reading phase didn’t last very long. In the past few days I have finished 1984 (which was amazing, embodied everything, most things, I consider important and I don’t understand why I have never read it before.), read the entirety of Wasted: A memoir of anorexia and bulimia (the best book I have read in the past few years; manic, intense, beautiful.) and I am now reading a book about Kofi Annan (which I am so far undecided about.) I am enjoying reading again, really enjoying it, like I used to when I was younger, when I could read and not feel guilty that I should be using my time more productively, reading some more relevant to my degree, something more intellectually stimulating. I love the freedom of having nothing I need to do, nowhere I need to be.

The first step along the road was Washington D.C., where we stayed an extra few days as there was so much to do (and everything was free.) The most political city I have ever been in, I love it. I love the momuments, the museums, the excess of water features, everything! The WWII monument was by far my favourite, and the only one I have never visited before. The last time I went to D.C. was with my mum and sister on route to California, I loved it then, but I definitely think I appreciate it more this time; I understand more, about the politics, the wars and conflicts behind the memorials, its whole significance. (And I satisfied my inner history geek at the American History Museum!) We stayed outside DC in Maryland, in a motel room with seven of us squashed in, it was awesome and everything that a road trip should be. We BBQ-ed in the Motel 6 carpark, Johnny and Christof played guitar while we made plans and I ate a box of corn cops and an airhead (I am off meat again.)

I’m currently sitting in another hotel room ($10 a night again, happy days moneywise!) just outside Pennsylvania, after calling through Baltimore for The Wire obsessive’s that are Alex and Hooseman. We drove up this morning and I spent the afternoon sitting in the sun, reading, throwing a football and generally appreciating life without pressure, without hassle, without any expectations, any deadlines and with too many books.